Update 3.20.09

Been an interesting month. Here are the highlights:

• School is good. Pulled a 96% final grade in church planting. Maintaining about a 3.8 GPA. Hebrew is pulling me down and yet I love it! Sick I know. I just registered for fall. So far I have Hebrew Exegesis, Beginning Greek and OT Orientation. I need to add one or two more. I just want to get DONE.
  
• I just started listening to MacArthur's sermons on the five points of Calvinism. The man has brains oozing out his ears. Some very interesting points to consider.
• I led worship at Arbor Baptist Church this past Sunday. It's the first time I've led worship since I led my AMPED kiddies on January 13, 2007. It was pretty emotional for me. So many memories flooded my mind. I picked songs that explain where I am at and what I'm still going through.
• Southern Seminary is looking like the strongest candidate for me to do my PhD through. I wish I could do Gordon Conwell in Mass, but they have no PhD programs. So far I'm aiming for Church History and Historical Theology.
• Been obsessed with the show Gangland recently. It's fascinating when you get into the psychology and sociology of a gang. You see the same patterns, but the most important theme is loyalty. All members want to belong to something bigger than themselves.
  
• I'm checking out some potential short trips this summer. I'm hoping to hit my homecity in July and see friends, the Phillies and such. I miss that place so much. I miss the Jersey shore. I REALLY want to go to Lake Winnipesaukee this summer again. I love that place so much.
  
• Been listening to Dub Trio, Dashboard Confessional, and a ton of old stuff for memory's sake. The past is the past, but you can sense it all again when you listen to songs that remind you of where you've come from and what you are going through.
  

I've been thinking about vulnerability. Its something I tend to do to myself a lot. In order to love people, you have to make your heart vulnerable. It is based on trust and there is always that possibility that the friends and loved one are going to stomp on your heart. Why do you do it? Because it is a sign of your love for them. You submit the most tender part of your soul, your heart, to them in return for relationship and hopefully returned love. Vulnerability shows all of your weakness, all of your wounds, all your struggles. It's so beautiful when the favor is returned and all the people involved show their weakness to each other. It's a sign that we are all weak humans in need of each other. I hope I'm vulnerable with all, but I know I open myself up to the potential for wounding. It's a risk we all have to take for the purpose of fellowship and love. It also helps you hurt for others and understand where they are at.

As CS Lewis put it:

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.”